Author: runmommy1

#2: Recover, Recharge, and Rest

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I am chronically sleep-deprived.  I have not consistently had a decent night’s sleep in over six years.

There are three really good reasons for this, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

But….this mom needs a solid 8, and that’s just not happening anytime soon.  So, until I can be this:

I need to shift my strategy.  Enter resolution #2:  I will pay down my sleep deficit in 2012.  It’s not a choice, really.  Three weeks ago, I was laid low by a round of such profound fatigue, I called my doctor (I NEVER call my doctor…last time I saw her Emma was an only child).  She tested me for everything from lupus to anemia before concluding that the holidays done done me in….Duh.

I’m tired (pun intended) of feeling this way.  Because again, it takes away from the people I care about.  Its one of the reasons I’m not allowed to run right now.  So today, I parked my kids in front of the TV and I took a nap.  Awesome!!

#1 – Dispense with the Unessential

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I really, really, REALLY want to start my “resolution” posts with #2 (Rest, Recharge, yada, yada, yada), because it is particularly appropriate today.  But, since I am a left-brained, everything-in-its-place, type of gal…Let’s begin at the very beginning, shall we??

I.am.not.efficient.

I would like to be, mind you.  I’m an accountant by training, so I despise (in theory) redundancy and wasted effort.  But personally, I spin my wheels.  A LOT.  Again, it comes back to laziness.  Sometimes, its just easier (in the short term) not to think, but just do.  SO I clean rooms that will be messy again in an hour.  I drive to the store to purchase XYZ instead of calling to make sure its in stock.  I pick up an extra thermometer, bottle of shampoo, hairbrush, etc. instead of taking 5 minutes to locate what I know I already have.

But what really gets me…what is my true achilles heel…is my tendency to overcommit.  Try it – ask me anything.  Want me to watch your kids?  No problem.  Host a party last minute?  Be glad to.  Need a spare kidney?  I’m free a week from Thursday – want to squeeze in the surgery then?

I suffer for this, a bit.  But my girls and Jimmy really take the brunt.  I’m so focused on completing all the things I “HAVE TO” do, that I lose sight of their little needs.  Sure, we play and snuggle, I feed and bathe them.  But too often, I’m brushing them aside for something that’s not really that important.

Not this year.  This year, I’m taking a page from my friends’ playbook.  I say “no” when I need to.  I ask for time to think before giving an answer.  Somedays the dishes & laundry won’t get done.

Today I had to make the most painful dispensation.  Two races, which I have looked forward to for months, must be scratched.  I am NOT ok with this. The first was to be my longest trail run to date (35K).  The second was to be my first ultra-marathon.  I could cry right now thinking of it.

But the numbers just don’t add up.  Since December 4, each run has become more painful.  My pace has slowed by almost 1 min/mile. My heartrate has increased.  I knew I was injured.  The doctor just confirmed it today.  No impact activities until the pain subsides.  No estimate on when that might be.

It is essential for me to be a good mother & wife.  It is essential for me to be a runner.  The rest can be put aside.

Please say a prayer for my sanity, will you??

Resolved.

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I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions.  If you want to get something done, start now.  But, since it is the beginning of January, I spent some time yesterday thinking about what lies ahead in the New Year.  ‘Case I’m slacking off a bit, and feeling L…A…Z…Y!

You’d have a hard time telling.  From afar, I’m (literally) running in all directions.  I’m on the exec board of our pre-school Parents’ Association.  Kindergarten room mother.  I volunteer in the community.  At home, my life is an endless repeat of bathing, dressing, cleaning, cooking, comforting, playing, cooking, disciplining, reading, cleaning, cooking, bathing, reading, bedtime.

And I run.  When I’m not on the injured reserve list (as I am now), I adore juggling speedwork, tempo runs, and the weekly long run.  I try to fit in enough swimming and cyling to pull off a triathlon or two each season.  I’m currently obsessed with trail and ultra running.

But I need to remind myself that spinning wheels do not equal forward progress.  That a facade of busyness can mask a core of laziness. And with that in mind, here follow my personal 2012 resolutions.

  1. Dispense with the unessential
  2. Recover, recharge, and rest
  3. Be joyful
  4. Be strong
  5. Embrace the mud
  6. Wander
  7. Get outside
  8. Go long
  9. Stretch it out
  10. Document the journey

I’ll touch on each of these in posts over the next few days.  It goes without saying that they all wrap around running & motherhood.  And the occasional glass of wine – because honestly – it pairs so well with life, don’t ya think?

2011 Recap and What I have Learned

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So, 2011 is in the books.  In many mays the year was just another in the uninterrupted stretch of adulthood.  Family, responsibilities, mortgage payments, birthday parties.  The predictable minutiae that make up our lives.

In someways we were lucky.  We lost an acquaintance, but no family members – no loved ones.  Jimmy’s dad, while weakening from 14 years of Parkinsons, is still with us.  My grandmother, at 94, provides a link to the past.  Jimmy’s job has kept him busy at a time when many others are struggling.

The girls are awesome.  They are growing up so quickly.  While we have the ubiquitous bickering, the clouds part occasionally and we hear how nicely they can talk to each other.  Seeing the individual relationships form between them warms our hearts in ways we could not have expected.

When we started the year, our house was gutted – in the middle of a massive renovation.  We were living in a river cottage an hour away, commuting daily and shivering at night when the furnace stopped working.  By March, our home was finished, we were back in Richmond and enjoying the extra space and neighbors.  And in November, we came full circle, when we agreed to buy a new home and start the process again.

Emma’s preschool days gave way to Kindergarten.  SweetBabyJane’s crib turned into a big-girl bed.  MagPie’s imagination came alive and provided countless hours of entertainment.

What did I learn from 2011?  I tapped into reserves of strength I did not know I had.  The endless days of commuting ended.  The running began again.  I got faster, and leaner, than I’d ever been.  I’m working on being a better mother, of leaving all my angst and impatience on the road, and saving the hugs for my girls that need them most.

But 2011 did not end, for me, on a high note.  I am tired.  More than I want to admit.  I’m injured, and I fear this time a few rest days won’t help me heal.  I have so many plans for the next 12 months, but all require me to be on my game, training smart, living well.   The old uncertainty returns…can I do it?

The support of my husband and girls, along with the rest of my family, lifts me up.  I feel God’s presence as I haven’t in a very long time.  I am not a religious person, but the spirituality around me takes my breath away and opens my eyes to the possibilities of tomorrow.

Cheers to the old year, and Cheers to the new.  Make 2012 count!

Marathons & Motherhood

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I continue to be amazed at the parallels between running and motherhood.  Both are exhausting.  Both can be tedious.  But both bring unparalleled joy and rewards.

Saturday’s marathon was the first I have run since having children.  And while it’s been more difficult to find time in my schedule to run, overall the training was much, much easier.

Why?  We’re supposed to slow down as we get older, right?  The kids bring extra weight gain, sleepless nights, shifting priorities.  Running is a self-indulgence that many shrug off.  I’ve gotten more than a few wrinkled noses as I jog off past the school buses.  I hear so many of my fellow moms say “I’d like to run, but I just don’t have the time…”

I do run for myself, but I take my girls with me every step.  Before kids, if I was tired or if I hurt, I stopped.  I did not want to over-exert or injure myself.  I babied my feet, my legs.  Easy does it.

Well, Easy does NOT do it when your a mom.  You’re tired, but you are out of bed to comfort a nightmare.  You’re sick, but still rocking a colicky baby.  You’re cranky, but mediating sibling fights and temper tantrums.  You push through your own emotions and deal with whatever the day brings. Day after day after day.  That’s why my tag line is “Motherhood:  the ultimate long run”.  It never truly ends.  There’s no taper, no finish line.

But boy, is there a great medal that hangs around your neck!  Nothing beats the bear hug of my 2 year old Ladybug.  Or the snuggles of my 4 year old Mouse.  Or the cheers from my kindergartener.  The pain and fatigue vanish, and I’m left feeling totally WHOLE.

So Saturday, when the pain came, I let it flow over me.  When the fatigue set in, I kept my pace steady.  I knew it would pass.  And it did.  I knew my girls would be there at the end.  And their smiles and high-fives kept me going.

Just like labor, I swore Saturday I wouldn’t put myself through that pain.  Now its Monday, I’m still sore, but I’m looking forward to Shamrock in March.  Let’s do this again!!

How quickly we forget…

Richmond Recap

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Wow!

I ran my first marathon in nine years yesterday.  Can’t say enough good things about the Suntrust Richmond Marathon.  The race is extremely well run, the course is beautiful, and the crowds lining the street kept the energy level high.  And, as an added bonus, the last 1/2 mile is downhill – what a boon to tired legs!!

Going into the race, I had decided to run ~8:00/mile pace.  I based this on my predicted finish time from the McMillan Race Calculator (between 3:20 and 3:33) and more importantly, my last long run (20 miles), which I ran at an 8:01 pace.  I knew 3:30, my stated goal, was a stretch.  So many variables are at play that no matter how many hours and miles you’ve got under your belt, nothing can be taken for granted.

It was a chilly start (~30 degrees), and I wore my PJ pants and my husband’s rattiest sweatshirt to the starting line.  2 minutes before the start, I was still dressed in this get-up, looking totally out of place in the starting corral, chit-chatting with a kid wearing a Hagerstown singlet.  I’m sure he thought I was a homeless person crashing the race and wondered why a Richmond street lady would be telling him that Hagerstown was her hometown (gotta give my love to Western MD!)  He never did get to see me transform into my racing gear (ruffled lululemon skirt and all), but I saw that he finished 10th overall – way to go, kid!

Anyhow, I ditched the PJ’s before the race and the sweatshirt a couple of blocks later.  I eased into the clump of runners shadowing the 3:30 pace leaders.  The first 3 miles breezed by, and then I saw friends at mile 4 holding out an extra set of headphones for me (I’d lost mine in the scrum of the start).  Along Grove Ave, I chatted with the 3:30 pace leader – turns out he had run a 50 miler the week before (Mountain Masochist), and here he was – effortlessly leading us down the road….Incredible!

Mile 6 was all downhill, bringing us to the River Road Shopping Center (Party Zone 1) and my first sighting of Jimmy and the girls.  I gave them all a whoop and high-fives, then hit the Huguenot Bridge.

Honestly, up until mile 10, the miles flew by – I never breathed hard or had to push a bit.  Miles 10-15 were physically easy, tempered only by the hill coming up from the river to Forest Hill Rd. and the knowledge that there was still a LONG way to go.

Crossed the Lee Bridge back to the city, and made my way down Main Street.  For most of this middle part, I was slightly ahead of the 3:30 group (they passed me for good around mile 21).  BY mile 18, I was starting to feel the headwind, and my pace had slowed to ~8:10 (I was hitting 7:45-7:50 miles until this point).  I started to wonder if this was the start of a trend, and if I’d be slowing by 10-15 seconds a mile from here on).

I told myself that I just needed to get to mile 20, then the real test would start.  When I hit mile 20, I broke the race into two mile chunks…just get to mile 22…just get to mile 24…mile 26….

Right around mile 23, I broke through The Wall…my pace picked up (I was ~8:20-8:30) and I was back to an 8:10 mile.  At 25, I did a quick time check and realized that Boston was in the bag (needed 3:40 to qualify for 2013), so I really ENJOYED the last mile.  Downhill, spectators lining Cary Street, finish line in sight, hand in the air, whooping it up and loving the cheers that came, I crossed the line at 3:32 even (chip time was 3:31:23).

Thrilled with my race, thrilled with my time.  Wouldn’t change a thing (except to eat sooner after the race…I bonked HARD for two hours following until I forced myself to eat a ham sandwich).

Tomorrow I’ll post my philosophical thoughts on marathoning v. motherhood.  Maybe I’ll be able to walk by then….

2012 Goals…(I blame the taper)

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I’m one week into my three-week Marathon Taper.  The mid-week 10 milers and 20 mile long runs are a distant memory, and my enforced rest has left me chomping at the bit.  Maybe it’s the fact that I just finished re-reading Chris McDougall’s excellent ‘Born to Run‘ (one of my top-five books.  Ever.)  Or perhaps it was Matt Long’s ‘The Long Run‘ (also a great read…wow!).  But I have some pretty fun goals for 2012.  Since I can’t yet share them with my family (for fear of strike) or my friends (for fear of that they’ll commit me), I thought I’d post them here.

November 2011

  • Run 3:30 in the Suntrust Richmond Marathon.  This race kicked my tail nine years ago, when I attempted to run it (too fast) a month after the Chicago Marathon (sore legs).  I paid dearly for my hubris…dropped out at mile 13, and spent nine hours in agony on the floor of my bathroom (I’ll spare the details, just google hyponatremia).  If all goes as planned this year (and with marathoning, you know that’s a big IF), I should be able to pull off a 3:40 (~8:24 pace).  I’ve actually paced my long runs at 8 minutes/mile, which would put me just under a 3:30 finish if I can avoid The Wall.  It will be interesting to see how this plays out on Nov. 12.
December 2011
  • Volunteer at a race for the first time!  I love, love, love those folks who help out at races.  I can’t wait to watch the action from the other side.
February 2012
  • First Ultra.  50K.  With a friend.  Awesome.
March 2012
  • Shamrock.  Have a good friend and running buddy who will hopefully make her marathon debut here.  Fully intend to be there to support her.
September 2012
  • Rumor has it that a Half Ironman is coming to Richmond, VA.  If I can work up the nerve to log the hours on my road bike I’m in.  Don’t get me wrong — I actually LOVE cycling, and border on an obsessed fan at times.  But since I had children I’ve lost my nerve, and get really edgy having to share the road with cars and buses.  Need to find a cycling group and squash these negative thoughts…
November 2012
  • Richmond again, but that’s just a warm up to…(drum roll please)….
  • The JFK 50 miler.
There…its in writing.  Don’t know how I’ll pull off back-to-back marathons, but I get teary every time I think of this race.  I no longer live in Washington County, MD, but its where I was born and raised.  Those trails – I’ve hiked them.  The canal – I’ve biked it.  The roads….well let’s just say there was a time when I’d fly over the hills with the invincibility of a 16 year old.  To bring it all together in one run is the ultimate dream.  Others can have their Leadville or Badwater.  JFK is it for me.
Not sure how of if any of this will go over with the four people that matter most.  But if it works out, what a fun ride it will be!

Mommy’s Time Out

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Its been 10 years since my last running injury.

Now, I need to start off by saying that a large part of my last decade has been spent pregnant, nursing, sleep-deprived and totally unable unwilling to consistently run….no surprise that I haven’t pushed myself to the point of pain.

But this year, I have found my stride.  SweetBabyJ is two…and it’s been much easier to find time to train.  I’m fitter, and consequently faster, than I have ever been.  What started as a quest to reclaim my fitness and find a few minutes for myself has become an obsession…how much can I improve…seeking my potential.  I won’t know for years the outcome of my mothering style, but every day, every race I have a solid data related to my fitness.  I cling to this.

A few weeks ago (when I started writing this post), I twisted my ankle.  Nothing major, but it hurt enough to make me wince on stairs, and I had to take (gasp!) two days off from running.  In retrospect, it was the right decision, but at the time I agonized.  I had just decided to sign up for a November marathon (my first in nine years),  and I was so worried that this injury would scuttle my plans. What if it was a serious injury?  What if my missed runs impacted my ability to finish the marathon?  And on, and on, and on…(I’m a bit of a worrier)

Of course, I rested, I ran, and all was fine.  My time-out cleared my head and rested my body.  Just like with kids.  My children, precious angles that they are, have never responded well to discipline.  I’ve spent almost SIX years pulling out my hair out trying to figure out how to get my girls to LISTEN.  And no matter what method we try, we always come back to time-outs…getting the girls away from the situation so they can calm down and THINK.

Of course it doesn’t always work…and sometimes those injuries linger longer than one would wish.  But rest is a good thing…and something that in life and in motherhood, we just don’t get often enough.

Weekly Long Run: 15 miles

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One thing you should know about me:  I am NOT a morning person.

Of the five humans and two canines in the family, only Black Dog and I prefer to wake up after the sun.  J and the girls arise full of energy, ready to see what the day has in store.  And they fully expect me to be a part of the action.

I would really just rather sleep, thank you very much.

But, since I am a Good Wife and Good Mother, I drink a pot of coffee and get started…and before I realize it, I am in the groove and the day is rolling.

Long runs are kind of the same thing, aren’t they?  You may not be up for the miles, hills, and aches they bring, but once underway its really not so bad.  And every once in a while, you luck out and find a buddy.  Today, my friend Elle joined me for the middle of the run – those painful miles when legs start to talk back, and home seems so far away.  The mindless chatter of back-to-school and hurricane survival melted away the monotony, and I was able to finish strong.

My mommy-friends are the same…what a support network we’ve needed during these baby and pre-school years.  I can only imagine what curve-balls are coming with grade-school, but I know that talking it through over a bottle  glass of wine will make it more manageable.

Maybe that’s what makes the kindergarten transition so overwhelming.  I hate to be melodramatic (but I will be anyway, because that’s who I am) but seems similar to college.  We’re leaving behind all that’s safe and familiar and starting anew.  The scope of problems and setbacks appears larger.  The stakes are higher.

But my baby girl is not a baby anymore.  She’s ready, even if I am not.  She’s got the strength and energy, and I have to trust that I’ll have the endurance.  Because these years are not a sprint, even if looks like it in our mind’s replay.

*******************************************************

Weekly wrap-up:

  • # Days Run:  5
  • Longest Run:  15 miles
  • Total Mileage:  49.2 (Personal Record!)
  • Cross Training:  0 (Bleh!  Vacation & Irene derailled my plans)

Beginning

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When I run, the mish-mash that lives in my head starts to untangle.  Things begin to make sense, if only for a short-while.  When I don’t run, or can’t run for whatever reason, I lose that perspective and the little things in life seem much…more…serious.

My first-born starts kindergarten on Tuesday.  Yesterday she was an infant.  A screaming, colicky, inch worm who was determined to take from me the identity I had painstakingly developed over the past 30 years.  I didn’t come gently into motherhood – it was a tsunami of hormones and emotion that washed away everything I thought I was…job, hobbies, running, friends – gone.  Husband – annoyed at my self-pity  (He’s really a great guy, by the way, fantastic father and my best friend.  Let’s just say he needed an adjustment period too).

But in the days, weeks, and months that followed that cold December day, we fell in love he, she and I.  Her smiles came, then her laughter.  She charged ahead – never afraid, never hesitating.  She’s clever, persistent, precocious, caring, stubborn, wiley, and a ray of sunshine.  And my identity was rebuilt…not as I had planned, but as it was meant to be.  Play dates and pre-school forged a new set of friendships.  Old friends reconnected over sippy cups at Starbucks.  The witching hour became the new happy hour.  Two more little girls followed to make our family complete.  But something was missing.

I needed to do something for myself.  Just me.  Running has always been a refuge, and last February I started again.  In the cold days as winter gave way to spring I pulled myself out of bed and onto the road.  I ran slowly at first, but as my legs got used to their new routine, I added distance until I could run from my house to the University Lake and back.  I ran the local 10K.  And PR’d.

What??

Where did the speed come from?  It had been nine years since my last PR and I had three children.  That didn’t make any sense.

So I ran another 10K a month later and PR’d again.

Turns out, I really didn’t need an escape.  I just needed validation.  See, the thing with motherhood is that we don’t know if we are doing a good job or not.  The PTA president can have a kid in rehab…the slacker parents have a kid that ends up at Harvard.  You just don’t know day-to-day if your creating the next sociopath, sociologist, social networking guru…or a Kardashian.

But the clock doesn’t lie.  Your legs don’t flatter.  You run your race and get your result.  And maybe, send the message to your kids that fitness is a part of life..of fun.

Still with me?  Tomorrow I promise I will tie this into Kindergarten.

After my long run 😉